When we have been through any type of trauma healing, whether it be long term from childhood or from past relationships one of the hardest things we can do is be kind to ourselves.
I bet though you find it easy to be the first one to help others, you are the first one to step in and show unconditional love and kindness to others? So why is it so hard but yet so important to show yourself love and kindness to yourself? Remember long term emotional trauma can be deep seated, deep rooted and your whole life you may have been programmed into thinking you are worthless. Here are a few steps that can help you onto your path of self kindness.
- Its ok to choose yourself sometimes. Try and train yourself to allow yourself time to spend on yourself, even one evening a week will do and it will help you to start to find yourself again.
- When you have experienced any type of emotional trauma being kind to yourself can make you feel uncomfortable, even to the point of feeling nauseous because you are so used to being harsh on yourself. Bringing in awareness of when you are being harsh on yourself is key and be conscious in speaking kindly to yourself.
- Being aware of Guilt… Feeling guilty can be a good thing when we have done something wrong, however for many who have experience emotional trauma, especially after long-term relationships with emotional abuse, feeling guilty is the norm. You have often been made to feel guilty about everything you say and do constantly. And so if someone was to say spend time on you, you immediately be overcome with guilt! How could you ever be kind to yourself. You are not worthy! But remember you are worthy!
- Go gentle and be aware that this is long term maybe lifetime healing. Healing from long-term emotional trauma is a long term challenge, those deep rooted feelings of hate, self loathing, guilt and feelings of low self esteem are deep seated. So expecting a quick fix is not going to happen. But make today a day of lifestyle change… Having an awareness of your feelings, your triggers and an awareness of just what you have been through will help you become stronger each day. And just like you would be dedicated to loving your children or your partner long-term, be dedicated to yourself long term. Love yourself long term and be gentle with yourself.
I hope these small steps can help on a path of gentle recovery into being kind to youself 🙏